My Love Story with Me

I was 6 or 7 years old when I asked my mom, “How did you feel when you realized I was not a boy?”

She said, “I apologized to my husband and his family for our second daughter.” At that moment it sank in – I strongly believed that I was supposed to be sorry that I was born. After that, I started looking for evidence that proved the belief that my existence was wrong – I was something to be sorry for. It has been like looking for pieces of gold on the beach: the reflections of sunshine look like pieces of gold, but in reality they are not.

Now that I am adult, I realized that my effort to prove my worthiness has been motivated by a deep-seeded belief that I am worthless. But what if I looked at it differently – what if I believed I am inherently worthy? Does that even need to be proven? All these years, instead of trying to prove my worth, I could have been spending that energy to love myself. In that process there was beautiful, a hidden outcome – a discovery of a deep love for others.

Many people spread the word about self-love via quotes, videos, articles, and music. Even though I share those or like them on Facebook, it is not mine until I believe it. Therefore, I decide to believe and declare: I am worthy.