We were connected, and we knew that we wanted to be connected more. I was about to follow my body and heart, both of whom wanted him. However, my brain told me different things.
“You are in your pajamas”
“Your hair is such a mess”
“No make up!”
“Your thick glasses!!!”
“You will look like a foolish old woman when you are on top of him”
So I didn’t give him nor myself what we both wanted. While we eventually ended up together, it could have been HOT if I followed my heart. One thing that hit my head is that my soul always tells me before my brain. It is my choice what to follow.
I realized that I have been programmed to follow expectations, which also means focusing-out. I had sex which might look OK if someone saw me. It was like I was craving McDonalds, but I wanted to look savvy, so I ended up with lamb steak in a fancy restaurant (I don’t eat lamb). After I spent the energy to find a restaurant, money for gourmet food, and the time waiting, I am not hungry. But I am still craving a Big Mac.
What is the point of having sex? It is one of the ways that you express yourself and receive another person. It is communication. Hot sex doesn’t require certain body shape nor sexy lingerie. When we feel full and true connection, it will be HOT!!!
I chose to be hot by acknowledging what I want – listening to my soul. I chose to be hot by acknowledging that judgement is neutral feedback that I should not be charged by.
Connection does not require anything but heart, either between me and others or between me and myself.